hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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