it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
