I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
