The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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