oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
