Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
