I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize