Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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