You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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