I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
