i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
