I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
