oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
