It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
