why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize