Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
