I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
