I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
