i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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