u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
