Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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