Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
