So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
