i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
