he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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