There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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