I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
