so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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