My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
