You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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