this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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