I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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