Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
