no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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