also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
