CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
