he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
