Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
