My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
