just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
