someone owes me an orgasm
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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