If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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