I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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