How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
