he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
