4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
