TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
