i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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