It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize