How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
