Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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