we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
