True but thats because hes a fetus.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize