Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize