My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
