im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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