420 ftw
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
