**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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