the condom got lost in my hair
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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