Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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