do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize