My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
