i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
