I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
