i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
