she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
