They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
is it fun? or sober?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
