The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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