I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
