Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
