yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
