After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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