he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
