Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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