What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just had sex bonerless
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
