Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
