I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You were trust falling into bushes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
