Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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